I don't care what Dos Equis tries to
tell me, Charlie Sheen is easily the most interesting man in
the world. Sheen is the original wild card, the definition of a loose
cannon. When most men have a mid-life crisis they buy a sports car;
when Charlie Sheen has a mid-life crisis he takes up a passing
interest in cryptozoology.
That's right, last week Charlie Sheen
and his friend Brian Pekk took a brief sojourn to Scotland in
hopes of doing what thousands of other daring adventurers couldn't,
tracking down the Loch Ness Monster. Sheen
was even kind enough to invite ex-Mets great Todd Zeile
along for the ride, giving us
here at Three if by Strike an opportunity to spin this as a sports
related story in some weird way.
Perhaps they were
inspired by Jeremy Wade's recent trek to find the holy grail
of sea monsters. Or maybe Sheen just took a bottle of Jack to the
face and spent too long staring at the “Surgeon's Photo.” Either
way they shot across the Pond, rented a castle (that's right a
castle) and a boat and, armed only with a bottle of scotch and their
wits, set out.
Sadly, despite
their best efforts not even a single grainy out-of-focus amateur
video resulted from their quest for the truth. Nessie, like Sheen's
sanity, remains illusive, its existence still no closer to being
proved despite Sheen's novel approach to finding it. A day later they
returned to the United States, beaten, but not defeated. Bigfoot
still roams the Pacific Northwest, Champ is still at large in Lake
Champlain, Chupacabras haunt the Mexico wilderness and the Warlock,
along with Pekk and Zeile, are hot on the trail.
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