Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top 5. Show all posts

Friday, January 24, 2014

The Free Lunch Hierarchy


Everyone loves free lunch during the work week, right?  But does everyone love all types of free lunches equally?  You may think you do, but let's take a look at the Top 5 Free Lunches.


5) Break Room Free Lunch - This is not much of a lunch at all.  This is what happens when you either forget the lunch you usually bring, are too lazy to leave the office or just don't have the money to go out and buy something. You end up rummaging around the break room and the fridge, digging up a can of soda and a stale bagel. You might even find yourself uttering the phrase, "what am I doing with my life?" This my friends, is indeed a free lunch, but very obviously the worst kind of free lunch.


4) Free Lunch Ordered to the Office - Now, I know what you're thinking: "how could this possibly be a bad thing?" Well, boys and girls, while this free lunch seems great, it comes with a lot of questions. What's the policy on seconds? Who do I have to thank? When do I have to thank them? Because I don't want to get beat to the punch, then I'll look like I'm just saying thank you because that guy did it....

And it doesn't end there. You don't want to be the guy who holds up the line or takes too much of one thing, so while you rush through the spread, you completely forget probably the most important part: "Where am I going to sit?" At my desk? Try to find a small pocket of people and awkwardly slide into their conversation? While vastly better than number five, there is too much going on for this lunch to move past number four.


3) Free Lunch with a Client - This lunch covers basically any time you are out to eat with someone you work with, but outside of your office. You might know them, you might not, but either way, lunch has to come second in this scenario. Not a great impression of you or your company if you're stuffing your face with fries and downing Cokes while the guy tries to talk business. On the flip side, its a good time to try to work in some non-work conversation and maybe mix a beer or two in. Because it can go either way, this lunch stays locked at number three.


2) Free Lunch with your Boss - This lunch is easily the most subjective of the bunch.  You could love your boss, or you could always keep a sandwich in your top drawer just in case they walks by around noon.  But lunch with your boss generally means you've made it...at least for that particular day.  Some lunches will be better than others, but if you ask me (which you pretty much are by reading this far), this has to be the second-to-one lunch out there.  The guy who pays you with money is now paying you extra...with food. No brainer.


1) Lunch with a Friend...And They're Paying - Its no surprise that the number one free lunch has nothing at all to do with work, with a very minimal chance of work even being brought up other than to complain about it. Lunch with a friend is a great way to unwind for an hour and almost definitely throw back a couple beers (as opposed to the uncertainty of Free Lunch #3).  The biggest and really only problem with this lunch?  You're paying the next time.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Let's Chat About Christmas Cookies: The Top 5

It's that time of year, ladies and gents. Christmas cookie season. So before you start expanding your waistline on pinwheels and lemon squares, let's review the Top 5 Christmas Cookies.


5: Sugar Cookies: They need to be shaped like something seasonal and have frosting or they are disqualified.


4: These Things: Yup, your store-bought frosted cookie. So damn good. Even saw them shaped as Christmas trees once. I can furiously take down a container of these things faster than.... (I would really love to place a Paul Walker line here but Jon will fire me if I do).


3: I Guess The Official Name For This Is A "Peanut Butter Blossom": I call it a nipple cookie... I like nipples. That is all.


2: Hello Dolly's: Amateur hour is over. These things are for real. Chocolate chips, coconut, graham crackers. Deadly trio.


1: Peanut Butter Balls: My Aunt Karen can make a peanut butter ball like nobody's business. If you're eating an Oreo ball, you're wrong.  And if your peanut butter ball is crunchy, you're wrong. Chocolate, peanut butter, sugar and nothing more. Pure perfection.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Official 'Thanksgiving Food' Top 5


5. Cranberry Sauce : What the fuck is it? It's only eaten once a year. I'll dabble...


4. Turkey : Cue the outrage! Turkey is not that good. Needs to be smothered in gravy to enjoy it. I am on      #TeamDarkMeat, though (no homo)


3. Mashed Potatoes: Mashed is my thing but I don't care how you like your potatoes. Potatoes are awesome and a Thanksgiving staple.



2. Pumpkin Pie: Delicious. Not my favorite type of pie, and pie is not my favorite type of dessert. But I'll be damned if I don't make an entire pumpkin pie and a half gallon disappear on Thursday.


1. Stuffing: Stuffing is the best part of Thanksgiving. So damn good. I have no clue what the hell it is but I    want more. And left over stuffing... My god.... So ladies, if any of you are in need of a good stuffing... I'm your man.

P.S. - Snack time for the big guy...