Thursday, July 11, 2013

Charlie Sheen Hunts the Loch Ness Monster

I don't care what Dos Equis tries to tell me, Charlie Sheen is easily the most interesting man in the world. Sheen is the original wild card, the definition of a loose cannon. When most men have a mid-life crisis they buy a sports car; when Charlie Sheen has a mid-life crisis he takes up a passing interest in cryptozoology.

That's right, last week Charlie Sheen and his friend Brian Pekk took a brief sojourn to Scotland in hopes of doing what thousands of other daring adventurers couldn't, tracking down the Loch Ness Monster. Sheen was even kind enough to invite ex-Mets great Todd Zeile along for the ride, giving us here at Three if by Strike an opportunity to spin this as a sports related story in some weird way.

Perhaps they were inspired by Jeremy Wade's recent trek to find the holy grail of sea monsters. Or maybe Sheen just took a bottle of Jack to the face and spent too long staring at the “Surgeon's Photo.” Either way they shot across the Pond, rented a castle (that's right a castle) and a boat and, armed only with a bottle of scotch and their wits, set out.

Sadly, despite their best efforts not even a single grainy out-of-focus amateur video resulted from their quest for the truth. Nessie, like Sheen's sanity, remains illusive, its existence still no closer to being proved despite Sheen's novel approach to finding it. A day later they returned to the United States, beaten, but not defeated. Bigfoot still roams the Pacific Northwest, Champ is still at large in Lake Champlain, Chupacabras haunt the Mexico wilderness and the Warlock, along with Pekk and Zeile, are hot on the trail.

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