Monday, November 24, 2014

Patriots Roll, Raiola Cries


The Patriots continued rolling Sunday with a commanding 34-9 win over the Detroit Lions.  The Lions came into Foxboro with a 7-3 record that had them sitting atop the NFC North.  With Green Bay breathing down their necks, fresh off back-to-back blowouts in which they put up over 50 points, this was set to be a big game for Detroit.

Coming into Sunday's matchup, Lions and Patriots fans alike were both curious to see how the high-octane Patriots offense would fare against the NFL’s best defense.  The matchup of Calvin Johnson against the New England secondary was also something to watch out for.

An emerging storyline now, however, is the dirty shot that Lions center Dominic Raiola took at Patriots tackle Zach Moore on the final play of the game.  Detroit was lined up in the defeat formation, ready to take a knee and put this game behind them.  But Railoa had other plans.  After snapping the ball to Stafford, Raiola immediately lunged forward at the knees of Moore.

While it was technically a legal cut block, it was clearly done with malicious intent.  As if the act itself wasn’t disgraceful enough, Raiola wasn't about to apologize when asked about the play postgame by the Detroit Free Press.

“I cut him. We took a knee, so I cut the nose [tackle].  They went for a touchdown at 2 minutes.  They could have took three knees and the game could have been over.  It’s football. He wants to keep playing football, let’s play football.  Not a big deal. It’s football.”

If this isn’t the whiniest, sore-loser comment of the season so far, I don’t know what is. Instead of thinking about how he and his offense could have taken some pressure off the Lions defense by scoring at least a single touchdown, Raiola was busy pointing the finger across the line.  Apparently, since the Lions defense could not stop the Patriots offense, the Patriots offense was supposed to stop themselves.

The problem with Raiola’s running up the score defense is that the Patriots had run the ball all but one play on that drive.  They were actually lined up to kick a field goal until Detroit linebacker CJ Mosley decided he was going to dive head first at the Patriots long-snapper on the play.   That drew a personal foul call, giving New England a first down and putting the ball back in Brady’s hands.

Maybe Raiola should have run over and dove at Mosley’s legs for that move.  Or perhaps he should have attempted to cut down his head coach Jim Caldwell for calling two timeouts that only served to extend New England’s final drive.

This was just a dirty, classless move by a team and a player that have reputations for plays like this.

The Patriots will now turn their focus to their marquee matchup against the Packers next Sunday, while the Bears and their defense should be careful not to hurt Raiola’s feelings next weekend.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

The End of an Era



We’ve seen championship after championship since the Patriots were the first team to bring a trophy back to New England since the '86 Celtics.

There have been so many iconic wins; so many games that will go down in Boston sports history. We saw the rise of Tom Brady and the “Homeland Defense.” We watched Curt Schilling pitch with the bloody sock. We found out that anything was possible with the Big Three and our hearts raced through three game sevens on the path to the cup.

Within each and every one of these championship seasons, there lived endless story lines that brought a passionate fan base even closer to their teams.  These events will forever live on in the rafters and in the tales told to future generations.

However, it is time for us to accept the fact that the end is in sight, if not already upon us. Boston’s reign as “Title Town” is inevitably coming to an end.

It has become very clear over their most recent seasons, that the Red Sox and Celtics have headed back to, and have already arrived at, the drawing board.  It would be hard for even the most optimistic of fans to picture either of these teams winning a championship, or even being serious title contenders, in the next few years.

Now, while it would be totally unfair to put the Patriots and the Bruins in the same category as their fellow Boston teams, it’s hard to deny they too are trending in the wrong direction.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying the Patriots have no chance this year because with Belichick and Brady, anything is possible.  But who knows what will happen to the Patriots in the post-Brady era.  Let’s be honest, the chances of Jimmy Garoppolo becoming the next Tom Brady are very slim, which is by no means a knock on Garoppolo.

The Bruins seem to be in the best shape of Boston’s big four sports teams but even they aren’t the dominant team they were four years ago.  Their biggest problem is not the aging Zedeno Chara but the lack of top six talent. The fate of the Bruins depends on how quickly their talented young guys can come out of Providence and contribute in Boston.

So here we are, on the back nine of sporting supremacy, left to wonder if there will ever exist a greater time to be a Boston sports fan.  While it’s likely there will not be, it is important to approach the current situation with the right mindset.  Do not be sad that Boston’s reign of sporting dominance is coming to a close, but rejoice, for we have experienced something most fans will never be so fortunate to experience.

In thirteen years, we saw our beloved Patriots, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins win a combined EIGHT championships.  That’s eight more championship parades than some fans will ever get a chance see in their lifetime. So while it’s true that no one team can be at the top of the league forever, the cycle will continue.  I’m confident that it won’t be long before Boston plays host to another championship season, and yet the question remains...  

Will Boston ever again witness an era as dominant as this? 

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Holy $%@&, He Missed It!



The only thing Philipp Hoffmann of 2. Bundesliga's Kaiserslautern made was the worst miss of all time. Standing just about two yards from the goal, the ball took an unlucky bounce, went off Hoffmann's foot and over the crossbar.

For the record, a soccer goal is 24 feet wide and eight feet tall.Over the course of six feet, the ball rose over eight and a half, even clearing the five-inch crossbar. And just from estimating, it looks like Hoffmann easily had seven feet of cushion to his right, meaning roughly 17 feet to "miss" to his left and the ball still would've rolled in.

He could have laid down and let the ball bounce off the side of his face and roll in. He could've trapped the ball between his legs and hopped like a kangaroo across the goal line. Literally anything other than what he did would've put the ball in the goal.

Fortunately, Kaiserslautern came out with a 1-0 victory, taking the sting out of this harrowing attempt.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

The Hot 100: Billboard's 100th Best Song of the Week



Is it me or did Usher completely disappear for a little bit, there?  In any case, this song has spent 19 weeks on the chart, and falling from 93 to 100 this week, it looks like this will be the last go around for the man who gave birth to Justin Bieber.

September, Week 4:
Artist: Usher
Song: Good Kisser
Peak: 65

My rating:



Tuesday, September 23, 2014

After 1,095 Games, Guilder Rodriguez Gets His First Major League Hit



Nobody had ever played more games in the minor leagues with zero MLB experience than Guilder Rodriguez. Rodriguez has played professional baseball in the U.S. for 13 years. Originally from Venezuela, the now 31-year-old has spent time with 10 different teams in the minors playing every field position except catcher, and has made two pitching appearances.

Rodriguez made his MLB debut with the Texas Rangers on Sept 9th, and in his sixth game (seventh at-bat), he knocked an opposite field single off Nick Tropeano. Seeing a guy get his first major league hit is always awesome, but when that guy has played nearly 1,100 games in the minor leagues, it makes the moment that much sweeter.


Then toss in his family being there and Guilder giving his dad a big hug after the game? Doesn't get better than that.

Monday, September 22, 2014

The Legend of Shameless Jameis



Florida State was able to eek out a win Saturday, beating Clemson 23-17 in OT, without their Heisman winning quarterback, Jameis Winston. Redshirt sophomore Sean Maguire was at the helm as Winston served a one game suspension for what is best described as being a complete moron.

After standing up on a table in the FSU Student Union building and a vulgar, currently internet-famous phrase (NSFW!), Winston was suspended for the first half of their game against Clemson.  

Then this happened:

But Winston wouldn’t let the now full game suspension let him down!  He made sure the focus was still on him, running onto the field before the game in full pads to take warm-ups. Coach Jimbo Fisher was not pleased, sending Winston back to the locker room to change.  Fisher would later describe the incident as a mistake on the equipment workers’ part.  Yeah…sure.

This latest episode isn’t the only notable trouble Winston has gotten into during his time at Florida State.  FoxSports.com compiled a complete timeline of Winston’s incidents, including the alleged sexual assault in December of 2012.  Each incident concluded without any serious punishment being administered.   

It’s pretty clear that Jameis Winston thinks he’s above the rules and the law.  Still, it’s impossible to ignore the role his university and the justice system in general have played in providing him with this sense of entitlement.  If you were reminded time after time that your standing as the university’s star quarterback would guarantee leniency on the part of the administration and the law, wouldn’t you feel the same sense of entitlement?  Except Winston really can’t use this as an excuse, seeing as so many other college athletes in similar positions handle themselves much more responsibly.  

You would think that someone in such a prominent position on campus and in the college football landscape would realize no good could possibly come from screaming such a vulgar, sexual phrase from atop a table in the student union.  And yet, Winston continues to try his best to ruin an opportunity that other players across the nation would kill for.

It’s obvious he doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions because the consequences themselves are so few and insignificant.  He is living within a culture that values what he does on the football field far more than what he does away from it.  “Don’t worry about the damages, the crab legs or the sexual assault Jameis, just get out there, win games and continue to make us money!”

And then people wonder why so many NFL players feel as though they can drive drunk, beat their wives, kill people, etc. and still get paid millions of dollars to play a game.

Stephen Tulloch Does the 'Discount Double Check,' Injures Himself for Rest of Season



The Lions beat down the Packers 19-7 on Sunday to take the temporary lead in the NFC North. The only highlight really worth watching is one that could be devastating for Detroit.

Their starting middle linebacker Stephen Tulloch will finish the season with two sacks and 15 tackles as a knee injury has him sidelined for the remainder of the year. The injury was sustained after sacking Aaron Rodgers and performing the "Discount Double Check" move. Hope it was worth it.

Hurting yourself celebrating has to be the worst way to go down. The highest of high to the lowest of lows in a heartbeat. And this was just a sack in a game that Green Bay didn't look like they had a shot in anyway. There have been some classic mishaps in the past during celebrations, some resulting in pretty graphic injuries, but there may be no better fail than Kerwin Bell's from a 1999 CFL game.

Friday, September 19, 2014

The TSA is a Must-Follow on Instagram


If you have an Instagram and you’re not following the official TSA account (@tsa), you’re really missing out.

I assume the Travel Safety Administration created an Instagram account for a few reasons. The first reason is, clearly, to show how trendy/hip they are.  The other reasons are to make people laugh at the ridiculous things people attempt to board planes with, and to scare the shit out of you with pictures of all the weapons they've intercepted.

The range of prohibited items confiscated is so much wider than you would ever think possible.  A quick scan of the @tsa account reveals that people try to bring some real crazy shit on airplanes.

Let’s take a look at a few choice images.


The above collection of items was confiscated over the course of a month from Jackson-Medgar Wiley Evers International Airport in Mississippi.  Who would have thought portable band saws aren’t allowed in checked baggage?

The following is quite possibly the most unnerving photo on the entire account.


According to the TSA, “This is a portion of the inert/replica ordinance that was discovered in a year’s time at the St. Louis International Airport in 2010.” Yes, you read that correctly, this is from ONE airport in ONE year.

This next one is my personal favorite.


Passengers flying out of Oakland International Airport apparently thought they would be able to slip through the security check unnoticed with 81 POUNDS of marijuana.

And then there are the poor travelers who left all these items behind at LAX.


To see pictures like these, in addition to hollowed out Bibles filled with bullets, a knife hidden in an enchilada and A LOT of ninja stars, give @tsa a follow. You won’t regret it.

Step One: Remove iPhone From Box, Drop Directly on Ground



This guy in Perth, Australia, the world's first loser to sit in line for days to get his mitts on the new iPhone 6, didn't actually get those mitts on the new hardware before the phone catapulted from its packaging to the cold, hard ground.

The assumed "Angry Birds" enthusiast casually bent down and collected his approximately $500 with a nervous smile, then took a ridiculous picture with the news anchor for no reason at all.

Hope those 15 seconds of fame were worth it. And its a good thing he was surrounded by other knuckleheads waiting in line for their turn to mishandle their version of the Holy Grail, because that collective cry of anguish from the crowd as if this character just missed a putt on the 18th green at Augusta is priceless.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Soccer Player Disappears During Goal Celebration



Cameroonian forward Joel scored two goals in a 3-1 win for Coritiba over Sao Paolo in Brazil's Serie A on Wednesday. For his second goal, he chose to celebrate by throwing himself down a giant hole in the ground.

The stadium features stairs that lead down to the dressing rooms below the field, which are placed just beyond the advertisements behind the goal line. Generally the best way to deal with something that a person could fall into is by covering it with a giant flag, right? Yeah, well that's what happened anyway.

As Joel went to leap over the wall, security personnel thought about saying something - one guy even raised his hands - but it was too late.

Somehow Joel isn't dead, and for his miraculous exit from the depths of the stadium, he received a yellow card for excessive celebration.

Why Was Joe West Only Suspended One Game?



The Vine above is everything you need to know about this incident wrapped up in seven seconds.

Let's start off with a quiz. Name as many Major League umpires as you can in 10 seconds. Go.

I managed to come up with Angel Hernandez, C.B. Bucknor, Dan Bellino, Jim Joyce, and Joe West. Why did those names come to mind so quick? Because they're all terrible.

Now, Joyce has been exonerated since he ruined Armando Galarraga's perfect game, but he is still a name that sticks out. When an umpire can get through a three-game series without most people knowing his name, not only has he done his job, but he has done it damn well. Umpires are responsible for facilitating the game, not dictating it.

As for those other guys... Hernandez nearly got a standing ovation during a game...after he had been hit by a line drive. Bucknor doesn't know how an out should be recorded and makes third strike calls on strike two. Bellino once threw out Adrian Beltre for joking around with his former teammate Felix Hernandez.

But let's focus on West for a minute. Sunday afternoon, the Phillies were enjoying a three-run lead going into the ninth inning when they brought in closer Jonathan Papelbon. Pap isn't the most well-liked guy in Philadelphia, never mind throughout baseball, so when you give up four runs in front of the hometown crowd and go on to lose the game, the walk back to the dugout isn't going to be a stroll in the park. So because Papelbon is an idiot, he decided to forgo even a sarcastic hat tip and just go straight to the crotch grab. His explanation is gold, though.

"This is baseball. I had to make an adjustment and I did it, and by no means am I directing anything at any fans. When I'm out there and in the moment, the fans are irrelevant to me. I don't see them, I don't hear them. To me, this is pretty stupid to be totally honest with you."

Not sure if it helps that he called the fans irrelevant...

Papelbon was suspended seven games, which was a combination of the ridiculous gesture and getting a little too close to West during the ensuing argument. We've seen some players in the past make some questionable contact with umpires, but why is there such a gap between penalties for the player and the umpire?

West received just a one-game suspension after he grabbed Papelbon by the jersey and brushed him off to the side when he decided he didn't want to hear what the already-ejected hot head had to say. Papelbon deserves the seven games, there is no doubt about it, but why is it that West can grab a player and get off virtually scot-free?

Cowboy Joe has had a history of hogging the spotlight, over the years, and has repeatedly been voted one of the worst umpires by MLB players. His actions Sunday can just be tacked on to the ever-expanding list of reasons why umpires need to be held more accountable for their actions. If umpires can't be ejected, why are they allowed to get in the faces of players and even initiate the arguments?

The league is giving them free range to handle the situations as they see fit, and if grabbing a player's jersey means the umpire "handled himself appropriately," as MLB VP Joe Torre phrased it, then the problem is only going to get worse.  Baseball needs to start analyzing the incidents that lead to these heated exchanges, identify who could be considered at fault, and hand out equal punishments, regardless of position within the game.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Making of Bryan Cranston's One-Man MLB Postseason Show



If you like any combination of baseball, Bryan Cranston, Bugs Bunny, Pedro Martinez and the organ player from the Polo Grounds, then just sit back and enjoy.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Hot 100: Billboard's 100th Best Song of the Week



Been a while since we've had a 100th best song on the blog, but the weekly mainstay is back.

Big & Rich have cracked the chart in their first week, squeaking in as Billboard's "Mr. Irrelevant." This marks the second country song in the post's short history, a trend which I'd like to see more of. In the past, we have had the severe misfortune of having to show you Justin Bieber and Chris Daughtry, but we're starting this new streak on the right foot.

I don't know why the video is just lyrics with weird black, white and blue accented pictures, just enjoy it.

September, Week 3:
Artist: Big & Rich
Song: Look At You
Peak: 100 (debut)

My rating:


Arkansas State Player Plays Dead, Wakes Up, Gets Flattened



What a move.

The Arkansas State football program has made three consecutive Bowl games - winning the last two - so they clearly know what they're doing, but I'm not exactly sure where this one fits into the playbook. They've had a tough couple of weeks after their season-opening win versus Montana State, losing back-to-back big time match-ups against Tennessee and Miami.

Already down a couple scores in the second, the Red Wolves decided to take the risk on 4th-and-5 and went with a fake punt pass. They were just over midfield and didn't exactly catch anyone by surprise by putting a man in motion. The surprise did come, however, when one of the Wolves receivers went rigor mortis on everyone and tipped over backwards.

To no one's surprise, the ball was picked off and during the return, the would-be Arkansas State receiver rose from the dead only to get buried again.

Monday, September 15, 2014

Elbert "Ickey" Woods Just Loves Celebrating Cold Cuts



Everyone knows GEICO commercials are pretty low on the totem pole.  Offhand, I'd say Progressive commercials are worse, but other than that, its tough to name any other ad campaigns that could be grouped in with these two.

GEICO peeked its head out of the basement with the "Hump Day" commercial, but then quickly shut the door on itself with those two goons playing the guitar and mandolin at the end.  With their latest commercial featuring Elbert "Ickey" Woods, they may have swung the door back open.

First few times I watched the commercial, all I knew is that this big dude in the football jersey was charged up for some deli meats. Upon further review, Ickey Woods is a retired fullback who played four seasons for the Cincinnati Bengals. He was an All-Pro in 1988 when the Bengals won the AFC Championship but lost to the San Francisco 49ers 20-16 in Super Bowl XXIII. Oh, and he was a giant of a man in football pads who could break it down.

His famous dance, The Ickey Shuffle, was used as a touchdown celebration (he had 27 opportunities for the Shuffle in his career), and took the sports world by storm for a brief second.. Okay, probably not even that long, but long enough for Darrell Waltrip to bust out the move after a Daytona 500 victory.

You have to give GEICO points for originality on this one if nothing else. But rest assured, Ickey didn't do this for the money. I'm sure he's doing just fine as the owner, CEO and coach of the Cincinnati Sizzle of the National Women's Football League.

The Montreal AAAnAdiens

Ryan Remiorz / Canadian Press

The Canadiens’ very public race for the captaincy has a new development.  Montreal announced they would enter the upcoming NHL season without a captain but with four alternates, Adrei MarkovPernell Karl SubbanTomas Plekanec and Max Pacioretty. They also decided that the most appropriate way to make the announcement would be to do so at a charity golf event that the four players were participating in.

And so Les Canadiens de MontrĂ©al paraded their four alternate captain selections out in their updated jerseys; a style reminiscent of Miami’s big three announcement.

The four candidates will now square off in a televised pageant consisting of swimsuit, eveningwear, and talent competitions. Oh, that’s not where this is going?  You could have fooled me.

With their former captain, Brian Gionta, signing with the Buffalo Sabres during this offseason (why?), some players launched their campaign to be the next bearer of the “C”.  Both Subban and Pacioretty expressed to the media why they would make a good captain.

It’s important to note that the Canadiens are currently one of seven teams that have yet to assign a captain.  However, it is also important to note that none of these other teams have turned the situation into such a publicity stunt.

And so the finalists to lead the club, both on and off the ice, include a guy who refuses to talk to the media in Markov, the great actor Plekanec, Subban, who was repeatedly benched last year as a defensive liability and Pacioretty, who Montreal legend Guy Lafleur described as a player “you can’t keep on your team.”

Good luck and may the best man win!

What Happened to Ceremonial First Pitches?



Since the dawn of the game, throwing out the ceremonial first pitch, or "first ball" as it was originally known, has been a mainstay in baseball. President William Howard Taft was the first American president to perform the ritual on Opening Day in 1910, and President Ronald Reagan was the first to throw from the field in 1988 (normally, the throw came in from the President's seat, hence the term "first ball").

Since 1910 our Commanders-in-Chief have been stretching out for the first toss to kick off the new baseball year, but it took until 1993 before President Bill Clinton hit the catcher's glove on the fly from the mound. Over the years there have seen some gems, like the video at the top of President George W. Bush firing a perfect strike after Sept. 11, 2001. That thumbs up move gives me chills every time.

In more recent memory, the chills are a direct result of painful excuses for first tosses by hack celebrities. If you don't know how to properly throw a baseball, then maybe your first attempt at it shouldn't be 60 feet, six inches away from home plate in front of a packed Major League stadium.

Kind of like this...



Bad first pitch ceremonies are plaguing baseball games. ESPN seems to think that 50 Cent's first pitch at a Mets game is the best thing going since sliced bread, and I'm surprised they haven't slapped their new "Instant Awesome" tag on it by now.

No one goes to the game to see someone throw a "funny" first pitch.  Its flat out obnoxious, and I can't figure out why celebrities (is Miss Texas a celebrity?) are lining up to embarrass themselves.  Its not even a good gimmick to get people to the games since the majority of fans either aren't in their seats yet or just don't care who is tossing it out.

Carly Rae Jepsen of "Call Me Maybe" fame threw an atrocious first pitch at Tropicana Field before a Rays game, but nobody batted an eye because Rays fans are idiots who have no idea what baseball is and they just thought that was ball one to the first batter.  Joakim Noah had to take a do-over at a White Sox game.  When will this nonsense end?


As much as I want to hate the video of the girl from "The Ring," throwing out the first pitch at a Japanese baseball game, its gold.  The umpire brings her out, she's pitching to a live batter, then after throwing a ball outside, she just dies real quick.  But you know what, she had solid form, good arc on her eephus, and threw it 50 feet further than everybody I've mentioned in this post except Bush. EVEN CHRISSY TIEGEN GAVE A STRONGER EFFORT, AND SHE WAS HAMMERED.

Instead of reading "Teigen" her number 40 jersey read "Nuggz" because ordering 40 chicken nuggets was her go-to drunk food move.

Bottom line is baseball somehow needs to get the ceremonial first pitch back on the map. Stop parading in these jokers who couldn't hit the ocean if they fell out of a boat. You don't need to light up the radar gun or catch the batter snoozing with a backdoor slider, either, just get me someone who can go out there and play catch.

NHL 15 Review: C+



Back in 2008, I bought a used PlayStation 2 for about 60 bucks and a copy of "NHL '09" for 30. It was the first time I had played the series after the only other hockey videos games I had ever owned were "NHL Stanley Cup" for SNES, and "NHL Hitz 20-02" for GameCube.

If you're not a hockey/video game fan, play one game of Hitz and it'll change your life.

"NHL '09" delivered, and I've had ever iteration of the franchise since. I had high hopes for this season, considering Patrice Bergeron was gracing the cover. "NHL 15" was the first hockey game for the next generation consoles, but unfortunately its arrival has been met with much negativity.

First, the good news: "'15" looks absolutely amazing. Graphics and out of this world and the NBC Sports presentation is spot on. Gameplay is pretty realistic, although compared to older versions, this game takes a while to find your skating legs. Playing online has produced very few problems (except for the fact that I still have trouble finding the back of the net, and then that one time I was winning and Big Cat hit the router with a basketball and I lost connection), and overall the game runs really smooth.  

Relatively speaking, more players look like themselves, although with over 700 players in the NHL alone, there are only around 250 realistic character models; last year I'll bet the total was around 100. The realism is bumped up a notch when you hear the "NHL on NBC" jingle, see a live shot of the arena you're playing in and see the real Mike "Doc" Emrick and Eddie Olczyk in the booth. Unfortunately, Emrick doesn't use over 50 different words to say "pass," but its still cool hearing him freak out for a late-game equalizer. 

The bad news: Missing game modes and too big of a learning curve. Since EA had to build the engine from the ground up on a new console, things just feel different. While the controls are solid, they just don't feel like the NHL's of old.  

The list of omissions is pretty large for this game, and people have been all over EA for it. I, for one, typically just play online and dabble with a created player, but its nice to have a season with the Bruins to fight for the Cup or to play outside in a Winter Classic game once in a while.

Can't help but feel as though all of the eggs went into the presentation basket, with not a single one to stash anywhere else. EA Sports has owned up to a just a few issues and will be patching in content over the next couple of months, but overall "NHL 15" just feels like a rushed project that really wears the player's patience thin.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Divers Beware: NHL Releases Rule Changes for 2014-2015 Season


Today, the NHL released a series of rule changes that will go into effect this coming season (which starts in only 27 days!).  The most notable of these changes is the supplementary disciple that will be doled out to the Canadiens—I mean, players who are repeatedly penalized for diving and embellishment.

The new fine system is illustrated in the following chart from NHL.com:



However, these fines are useless if referees aren’t calling the penalties in the first place.

The integrity of the game of hockey relies upon the NHL cracking down on the embellishment and diving that some players and organizations are known to exhibit quite regularly.

Anyone who watched the FIFA World Cup this summer knows how much diving can sully an otherwise great game.  There are few things more frustrating than watching a player, after receiving a minor bump from an opponent, swan dive onto the field and roll around in agony, only to be instantly healed once a foul has been called.

The fate of flopping, in any sport, depends on how the referees handle it.  When a player dives and is then rewarded with a foul call or penalty, the message is quite clear:  You can play the game the right way and stay on your feet, or you can take a dive, get your team a power play and put them in a position to score a goal that could decide the game.

Diving is cheating, plain and simple.  The definition of cheating is “to act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage.” Is pretending to get hit in the face with a stray stick to garner a high-sticking penalty not dishonest?  Is throwing yourself down after a slight hook not acting unfairly in order to gain an advantage?

The NHL cannot allow embellishment and diving to become strategic plays.  Players and teams should not be rewarded for pretending to fall or be hurt.  So here’s to an increase in embellishment calls and fines until they are no longer necessary.

To see the complete list of rule changes, click here.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Chemistry and Discipline Lead Canadian Men’s Hockey to Gold


There’s no argument that Canada had by far the most talented group of hockey players in these Olympic games.  But, as evidenced by team USA’s unfortunate finish, talent doesn’t guarantee success.

Being such a short tournament, with little to no practice time during or even leading up to it, developing team chemistry early is vital in making a serious run for gold.  Not only did Team Canada have the talent, but they gelled as a team very quickly.

However, what made Team Canada such a success these Olympics was their discipline.  The Canadians were very disciplined on both sides of the puck, making it difficult for opponents to generate sustained offensive pressure and quality scoring chances.

While Finland and Latvia gave Canada more difficulty than was expected, the Canadians peaked at the perfect time, posting shutouts in the semifinals and the gold medal match.  They surrendered a meager three goals in six games; tallying 16 goals for.

Allowing only three goals all tournament is a testament to the defensive dominance of Team Canada.  While the scoring ability of the forwards (and many defensemen) had been well documented, their defensive structure was second to none.  You can’t be considered a true powerhouse unless you’re able to control the play both with and without the puck.

It was a rare sight to see the Canadians concede an odd-man rush.  Even when their opponent was able to gain entry into the offensive zone, they were kept to the perimeter, limited to firing bad angle shots towards Carey Price hoping for a lucky bounce.

This defensive discipline no doubt rattled Team USA, who entered their semifinal game against Canada as the top scoring team in the tournament.  Sweden was no match for the stifling defense of the Canadians either, generating just four shots in the final period of the gold medal game.

Team Canada was the class of this Olympic hockey tournament, getting the job done in all three zones.  It started with Carey Price who ended up the tournament leader in both GAA (0.59) and SV% (0.972).  The defensive core was unyielding, bolstered by the two-way efforts of forwards like Jonathan Toews and Patrice Bergeron among others, and the most prominent goal scorers in the NHL were able to take care of the rest.

Team chemistry and discipline were the two biggest factors in turning the raw talent of Team Canada into another Olympic Gold medal.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Sometimes You Need to Celebrate Your Goals by Giving Yourself a Mild Concussion




This video is from an amateur soccer league in Italy. Apparently this guy is a huge fan of Mario Balotelli and figured the only way he could compete with him would be to straight up ram his head through some plexiglass.

Three things stand out about this video.

1. The goalie should definitely not be playing in an Italian amateur league. Just a poor showing by him all around.

2. The focus on this guy is unreal. The second he scores the goal his eyes immediately head over to that bench. Not once does he break eye contact. When his teammates try to congratulate him he just shakes them off. There was one thing on this man's mind and that was mild head trauma.

3. The official was less than impressed...  

Will Michael Sam's Decision to Come Out Impact His Draft Status?


NO! NO! NO! NOT AT ALL! IS THAT A SERIOUS QUESTION? NO BEARING AT ALL! COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? NEGATIVE! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NIX! NON! NEGATORY! etc etc.

Good, now that we got that out of the way it's time to admit the sad fact that, according to some NFL scouts, it will.

During an interview on ESPN's Outside the Lines the Missouri Defensive End publicly stated, "I am an openly proud gay man." The comment has garnered a tremendous amount of support for the AP SEC Defensive player of the year, however there are those who predict that ultimately his decision will negatively impact his position in the upcoming NFL Draft.

Sports Illustrated interviewed several executives and scouts who anonymously gave their thoughts on the implications of Sam's decision. The general consensus was disappointing to say the least. Before the announcement Sam was projected as a mid to late round draft pick, those interviewed by SI claimed that his draft position is going to take quite a hit.

One assistant coach believed that Sam's decision was, "Not a smart move" claiming that "You shouldn't have to live your life in secrecy, but do you really want to be the top of the conversation for everything without ever having played a down in this league?"

An NFL scout added,"I just know with this going on this is going to drop him down," said a veteran NFL scout. "There's no question about it. It's human nature. Do you want to be the team to quote-unquote 'break that barrier?'"

Finally, a player personnel assistant brought up a phrase which has been bouncing around the league for years, I don't think football is ready for [an openly gay player] just yet. In the coming decade or two, it's going to be acceptable, but at this point in time it's still a man's-man game. To call somebody a [gay slur] is still so commonplace. It'd chemically imbalance an NFL locker room and meeting room."

Honestly, I can't believe that a league can be this backwards. When a group of veteran members of upper management almost unanimously claim that a league is not ready for a gay player the question must be asked, "when did we teleport back to the 1960's?"

NFL, The Stonewall riots were over 40 years ago! Same Sex Marriage has been legalized in seventeen states. It's time to wake up and realize that regardless of whether this might impact locker room chemistry, upset players, or cause distractions you need to shut up and get in line.

It's a problem when senior executives on teams are the ones perpetuating these messages. What they don't realize is that THEY are the source of the problem. It's not the locker room, it's not other players, it's upper level management, coaches, general managers and owners who for some reason can't let go of their ignorance and bigotry.

Chris Kluwe, an ex-punter for the Minnesota Vikings, made public his support for the gay community last season, and lost his job as a result of it. Kluwe is threatening to sue the Vikings for wrongful termination if special teams coach Mike Priefer, who Kluwe has accused of using homophobic slurs, is brought back by the team.

Vernon Davis was recently interviewed by Larry King. In the interview Davis claimed that he thought that in the next five to six years there will be numerous notable gay athletes in professional sports. Davis even went so far as to suggest that the NFL would be the first place people would see this transition take place.

In fact a total of 62 players have made comments suggesting that they would be in support of having a gay teammate.

Even Terrell Suggs, yes Terrell Suggs, one of the biggest, meanest, scariest players in the NFL has expressed his comfort at having a gay teammate. When asked if it would bother him if a teammate was gay he responded, "Absolutely not." Adding that his current teammates would be fine with it too.


I don't think you'd want to argue with him.
While 62 players aren't representative of the entire league the fact of the matter is that the players opinions don't matter. Yes there may be some players who would be upset in this situation, but players aren't the people who make these decisions.

Player personal decisions are made by upper management, the very people who earlier were saying that the NFL wasn't ready for a gay player. The fact of the matter is that their reasons for Sam's draft stock falling are little more than pointless excuses.

Would it lead to some friction in the locker room? Possibly, but it would vary from locker room to locker room. And more to the point if players have a problem with it, tough. Plain and simple the players are professionals. Consequently, it's their job to go out there and play every week, no questions asked.

If you were to put this situation into any other context it would be laughable. Honestly, think about it. If you show up to work and find that one of your fellow employees was gay, what would happen if you went to your boss and said, "I'm not okay working in this environment because of his sexual orientation." Your boss would laugh at you and have your ass out on the street faster than you can say "discrimination lawsuit." Why do we hold professional athletes to a different standard?

It also seems like the executives are encouraging an approach akin to the (fortunately) recently disbanded "don't ask don't tell policy" that had been in place in the armed forces for two decades. According to those interviewed, Sam's sexual orientation was widely known, they guessed that maybe three teams weren't aware.

It seems foolish that Sam formally outing himself has somehow changed his future in the league if it was already a well known fact. What the NFL is saying is that it's okay for a gay player to compete so long as he keeps his sexuality to himself. Such an approach merely perpetuates homophobic tendencies in America that are finally beginning to erode after years of resistance. Are we still living in a society where we confine gays to "the closet?" Are we so ashamed of our own biases and bigotry that we would prefer just to ignore them?

I'm also sick of the excuse "The NFL is not ready for a gay player." Guess what, in 1947 baseball wasn't ready for a black player. Almost seventy years later if you walk into any ballpark in the country the number 42 is hanging alongside the numbers of the greatest players to ever play the game and Jackie Robinson stands as one of the most well known players ever. Change like this isn't something you're "ready for." There's no loading bar saying, "The NFL's readiness for a gay player is currently at 79 percent." You're ready when someone has the courage to stand up for their values in the face of discrimination. Michael Sam has proved he has that courage, now the only question is which NFL team has it as well?




One of the scouts interviewed asked, "Do you want to be the team to 'break the barrier'" YES, YES YOU DO! This issue is bigger than sports, this is about American culture and society. Jackie Robinson playing first base for the Dodgers was one of the most important victories for the Civil Rights Movement in America. Michael Sam setting foot on the field for any team would be just as momentous a victory for the Gay Rights Movement in America. This isn't something that should happen, this is something that NEEDS to happen.

Ultimately, little will be decided until Draft Day. Michael Sam will become one of the most high profile players in the draft regardless of where he is picked. And the fact of the matter is that he will be picked. Some team will be willing to take a chance on a player who won Defensive Player of the Year honors in the most competitive conference in college football. It will be a tremendous victory and hopefully the start of changing values in the NFL.

But the problem is that Sam's victory over bigotry, over narrow-minded hatred isn't happening because of the NFL, it's happening in spite of the NFL. Many of the coaches and personnel interviewed expressed disappointment in the fact that Sam would be a target of bigotry and discrimination. Ironically they failed to realize that they are the chief source of its perpetuation. It's time for the NFL to wake up and realize that this is happening regardless of their readiness. The only question remaining is whether the NFL can rise to the occasion.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

2014 Sochi Olympic Challenge


Welcome to the 2014 Sochi Olympic Challenge.

The 2014 Sochi Winter Games are officially underway with the Opening Ceremonies starting around 11 a.m. local time in Sochi, Russia on Friday. Qualifying events have started, and on Saturday the first medals will be handed out.

In total, 98 gold medals will be given out over 16 days. To make the competition that much more intense, we here at the blog has devised the Olympic Challenge.  Maybe we stole the idea, but we're making it our own anyway.

Each competitor chooses 12 athletes and/or teams.  They can be from any country or in any event.  If you pick wins a gold medal, you are awarded three points.  For a silver, two points, and for a bronze, one point.  The highest totals from their 12 athletes at the end of the Games will earn four-year bragging rights and an award to be named later.

For a the tiebreaker, playing by Price is Right rules, each contestant guessed how many gold medals they think the U.S. will take home.

Let's see what the line-ups are looking like for the inaugural Three if By Strike Olympic Challenge.

Jon
1 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
2 SWE - M Hockey
3 USA - W Hockey
4 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
5 USA - M Hockey
6 CAN - W Hockey
7 Petter Northug - NOR - M XC Skiing 
8 Hannah Kearney - USA - W Skiing
9 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing
10 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing
11 Tora Berger - NOR - W Biathlon
12 Sven Kramer - NED - M Speed Skating
 Tiebreaker is 11

Petty
1 CAN - M Hockey
2 Mao Asada - JPN - W Figure Skating
3 USA - W Hockey
4 CAN - W Hockey
5 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
6 Hannah Kearney - USA - W Skiing
7 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
8 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing
9 AUT - M Team Ski Jumping
10 CAN - M Curling
11 NOR - W XC 4x5 Relay
12 Emil Hegle Svendsen - NOR - M Biathlon
Tiebreaker is 7

Ike
1 Lara Gut - SUI - W Skiing
2 Jamie Anderson - USA - W Snowboarding
3 USA - M Curling
4 USA - W Curling
5 GBR - W Curling
6 Sara Takanashi - JPN - W Ski Jumping
7 USA - M Hockey
8 USA - W Hockey
9 RUS - M Hockey
10 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
11 USA - M Two-man Bobsled
12 Matthias Mayer - AUT - M Skiing
Tiebreaker is 9

Jordan
1 Bode Miller - USA - M Skiing
2 Martin Fourcade - FRA - M Biathlon
3 SUI - M Two-man Bobsled
4 CAN - M Curling
5 Charles Hamelin - CAN - M Speed Skating
6 Martins Dukurs - LAT - M Skeleton
7 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
8 Kamil Stoch - POL - M Ski Jumping
9 USA - W Hockey
10 David Wise - USA - M Skiing
11 Maddie Bowman - USA - W Skiing
12 Canada - M Hockey
Tiebreaker is 12

Sam
1 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboard
2 Ole Einar Bjorndalen - NOR - M Biathlon
3 Therese Johaug - NOR - W XC Skiing
4 GER - M Two-man Bobsled
5 Max Parrot - CAN - M Snowboard
6 Viktor Ahn - RUS - M Speed Skating
7 Lindsey Jacobellis - USA - W Snowboard
8 Jamie Anderson - USA - W Snowboard
9 Gregor Schlierenzauer - AUT - M Ski Jumping
10 Meryl Davis/Charlie White - USA - Pairs Figure Skating
11 RUS - M Hockey
12 Felix Loch - GER - M Luge
Tiebreaker is 8

McNulty
1 USA - M Hockey
2 SWE - M Hockey
3 CAN - M Hockey
4 USA - W Hockey
5 CAN - W Hockey
6 GBR - W Curling
7 SWE - M Curling
8 CAN - M Curling
9 CAN - W Curling
10 Meryl Davis/Charlie White - USA - Pairs Figure Skating
11 Yuna Kim - KOR - W Figure Skating
12 Martins Dukurs - LAT - M Skeleton
Tiebreak is 8

Bill
1 NOR - M Biathlon Relay
2 NOR - W Biathlon Relay
3 CAN - M Curling
4 CAN - W Curling
5 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
6 NED - M Speed Skating Team Pursuit
7 NED - W Speed Skating Team Pursuit
8 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing
9 Nick Goepper - USA - M Skiing
10 CAN - W Hockey
11 David Wise - USA - M Skiing
12 Petter Northug - Norway - M XC Skiing

Tiebreaker is 11

Span
1 SWE - W Curling
2 Gracie Gold - USA - W Figure Skating
3 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing
4 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing
5 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
6 USA - M Four-man Bobsled
7 Mikael Kingsbury - CAN - M Skiing
8 CAN - M Curling
9 Kaya Turski - CAN - W Skiing
10 Charlie White - USA - M Figure Skating
11 Emil Hegle Svendsen - NOR - M Biathlon
12 Meryl Davis - USA - W Figure Skating
Tiebreak is 26

Fonz
1 Petter Northug - NOR - M XC Skiing
2 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
3 Marit Bjorgen - NOR - W XC Skiing
4 Norway - M XC Team Relay
5 Sweden - M XC Team Relay
6 Sin Da-Woon - KOR - M Speed Skating
7 Sven Kramer - NED - M Speed Skating
8 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
9 CAN - M Curling
10 Germany - M Team Luge
11 Martin Fourcade - FRA - M Biathlon
12 Tora Berger - NOR - W Biathlon
Tiebreak is 10

Jay

1 USA - M Hockey
2 CAN - W Hockey
3 Alexis Pintaurault - FRA - W Skiing
4 Bode Miller - USA - M Skiing
5 Ole Einar Bjorndalen - NOR - M Biathlon
6 Marit Bjorgen - NOR - W XC Skiing
7 CAN - W Curling
8 Yuna Kim - KOR - W Figure Skating
9 Felix Loch - GER - M Luge
10 J.R. Celski - USA - M Speed Skating
11 Noelle Pikus - USA - W Skeleton
12 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboard
Tiebreak is 9

Cara
1 SWE - M Hockey
2 RUS - M Hockey
3 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing
4 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing
5 Olga Zaitseva - RUS - W Biathlon
6 Kikkan Randall - USA - W XC
7 GBR - W Curling
8 Mao Asada - JAP - W Figure Skating
9 Kate Hansen - USA - W Luge
10 CHN - M Speed Skating Relay
11 Lizzy Yarnold - GBR - W Skeleton
12 Sarah Hendrickson - USA - W Ski Jump
Tiebreak is 10

Jim
1 USA - W hockey
2 USA - M hockey
3 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing
4 Petter Northug - NOR - M XC Skiing
5 Gregor Schlierenzauer - AUT - M Ski Jumping
6 Felix Loch - GER - M Luge
7 Natalie Geisenberger - GER - W Luge
8 J.R. Celski - USA - M Speed Skating
9 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
10 CAN - M Curling
11 SWE - W Curling
12 Anna Gasser - AUT - W Snowboard
Tiebreak is 31...hahahahahahaha

Dan
1 Petter Northug - NOR - M XC Skiing
2 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
3 Gregor Schlierenzauer - AUT - M Ski Jumping
4 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
5 Hannah Kearney - USA - W Skiing
6 CAN - W Two-man Bobsled
7 Emil Hegle Svendsen - NOR - M Biathlon
8 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing
9 Marit Bjoergen - NOR - W XC Skiing
10 Charles Hamelin - CAN - M speed skating
11 Martin Fourcade - FRA - M Biathlon
12 Jorrit Bergsma - NED - M Speed Skating
Tiebreak is 10

Pat
1 RUS - M Hockey
2 USA - W Hockey
3 CAN - W Hockey
4 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
5 Sven Kramer - NED - M Speed Skating
6 Charles Hamelin - CAN - M Speed Skating
7 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
8 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing
9 Julia Mancuso - USA - W Skiing
10 Kikkan Randall - USA - W XC Skiing
11 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing
12 USA - Four-man Bobsled
Tiebreak is 16

Max
1 USA - M Hockey
2 USA - W Hockey
3 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
4 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating
5 Lindsey Jacobellis - USA - W Skiing
6 Germany - M Two-man Bobsled
7 Eric Frenzel - M Nordic Combined
8 USA - Team Nordic Combined
9 Yuna Kim - KOR - W Figure Skating
10 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing
11 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing  
12 NOR - Team Nordic Combined  
Tiebreak is 10

Richard
 
1 Patrick Chan - CAN - M Figure Skating  
2 Mikaela Shiffrin - USA - W Skiing  
3 Shani Davis - USA - M Speed Skating  
4 Aksel Lund Svindal - NOR - M Skiing  
5 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding  
6 USA - M XC Relay  
7 USA - M Hockey  
8 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing  
9 Kikkan Randall - USA - W XC Skiing  
10 Li Nina - CHN - W Skiing  
11 Hannah Teter - USA - W Snowboarding  
12 Kim Yuna - KOR - W Figure Skating
Tiebreak is 11

Pete  
1 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding  
2 NOR - W 4x5 XC Relay
3 Marit Bjorgen - W XC Skiing
4 GER - M Team Luge
5 Natalie Geisenberger - GER - W Luge
6 GER - M Luge Doubles
7 Sven Kramer - GER - M Speed Skatin
8 Martina Sablikova - CZE - W Speed Skating
9 Lee Sang-Hwa - KOR - W Speed Skating
10 Netherlands - M Speed Skating Team Pursuit
11 Sara Takanashi - JPN - W Skiing
12 Canada - M Curling
Tiebreak is 12

Noah
1 Wolfgang Kindl - AUT - M Luge
2 Shaun White - USA - M Snowboarding
3 USA - Two-man Bobsled
4 Ted Ligety - USA - M Skiing
5 Ole Einar Bjorndalen - NOR - M Biathlon
6 CAN - M Hockey
7 NOR - W Curling
8 Robert Kranjec - SLO - M Ski Jumping
9 Todd Lodwick - USA - M Nordic Combined
10 Christoph Beller - AUT - M Nordic Combined
11 Charles Hamelin - CAN - M Speed Skating
12 Dara Howell - CAN - W Snowboarding
Tiebreak is 15
 
Stay tuned, we'll be keeping up with medal counts as often as possible.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Do You Feel Lucky Punk?


You do if Clint Eastwood happens to be around. This past Wednesday the man, who occasionally talks to chairs and has been repeatedly accused of "monopolizing the world's masculinity" by such notable figures as Chuck Norris and Steven Segal, was faced with one of the most menacing foes he's ever had to glower at... CHEESE.

Far more dangerous than a band of marauding bandits.
That's right. At a volunteer party for the AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am, Eastwood noticed tournament director Steve John having trouble downing a piece of processed dairy. John claimed, "A piece of cheese went in my mouth, and suddenly I couldn't breathe." Prompting the more important question of how the renegade Gorgonzola managed to gain access to John's mouth in the first place. Apparently cheese gets aggressive when dealing with people who have a first name for a last name.

Regardless, Eastwood, bad ass that he is, quickly sprang into action, screaming "GET OFF MY LAWN" and charging the wayward pasteurized milk with a loaded M1 Garand. The normally confident Camembert was reduced to a quivering mass of Provolone and swiftly burst forth from John's clogged airway. Never one to back down, Eastwood pulled out his six shooter, loosing a tantalizing, "Go ahead, make my day!" before swiftly making the ill-fated cheese Swiss.

You would have gotten out of there too.
Actually the real story isn't quite as dramatic, but it's close. Upon seeing John, Eastwood unleashed a line that needs to be in his next flick, proclaiming, "I looked in his eyes and saw that look of panic people have when they see their life passing before their eyes." Never one to shy away from excitement the 83 year-old Eastwood lifted John off the ground and proceeded to dislodge the cheese using the Heimlich maneuver.

This is just more proof that Clint Eastwood remains one of the most bad-ass people to ever walk the face of the earth. At a point in life when most are content to indulge in shuffleboard and tapioca pudding Eastwood is indulging in lifting 205 pound men and (most likely) consuming raw steaks. 

While Arnold Schwarzenegger  was busy putting on a wig and short shorts for a Bud Light commercial, Eastwood managed to save John's life, single-handedly  prepared Sochi for the Winter Olympics and turn his glower into a form of renewable energy, thus solving climate change and making the nation energy independent simultaneously. 


Pregnant women should not make eye contact with Eastwood.
When asked to comment on his day Eastwood merely growled, "It's all Gouda" before adjusting his poncho and hat and riding out of town on horseback, leaving nothing but disfigured remnants of cheese strewn about Pebble Beach.

Harrison Ford could not be reached for comment.

The Hot 100: Billboard's 100th Best Song of the Week



The blog has been a little scattered recently, but with the Olympics coming up, we'll look to get right back on track.

Normally posted on Monday, we're bringing you Billboard's 100th Best Song on a Friday to help kickstart your weekend.

I'm very okay with Imagine Dragons.  "It's Time" just isn't a great song, but with jams like "Radioactive" and "Demons" (listen to the chorus and tell me you don't hear "Like a Prayer" by Madonna...thank you, Greg)

February Week 1:

Artist: Imagine Dragons
Song: On Top of the World
Peak: 100 (new this week)

My Rating: 
Good song, and go USA.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

If This is What Domestic Drones Will Look Like, Count Me In



WebProNews- Not all drones are bad. In fact, some are downright delightful. Lakemaid Beer, a microbrewery operating out of Wisconsin, has enlisted the utilization of UAV's to provide ice fisherman with one of the single most important components of the ice fishing experience, beer.


That's right, they're using drones to deliver beer. CAN YOU THINK OF ANYTHING MORE AMERICAN THAN THAT?! "Let me used converted military technology to get people hammered." That's the equivalent of Clint Eastwood wearing Tom Selleck's mustache while training a bald eagle to retrieve steaks.

That said, the Federal Aviation Administration is also competing for the title of "most American organization in the world." Perhaps the only thing more American than using drones to deliver beer, is the FAA preventing people from using drones to deliver beer.

The FAA sent Lakemaid's Jack Supple 74 pages of code listing numerous violations and effectively grounding the single most American invention since we gave the world Freedom and five dollar lobster. Despite the setback, the event has garnered a great deal of support for Lakemaid, including an official White House petition.

Only time will tell whether Lakemaid is allowed to utilize their BUAV's. Regardless, it's a pretty cool concept and just goes to show that you can only judge a drone by its payload.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

This Just In: Dave "El Presidente" Portnoy is Still an Asshole

Behold, the common asshole in his natural environment.
Dave "El Presidente" Portnoy, owner and founder of the inexplicably popular cesspool (I mean website) that is Barstool Sports, has once again felt the need to reinforce his status as a 40-year-old man who thinks he is a 19 year old bro. (In case you were wondering, no, not the entertaining Barney Stinson bro, but the obnoxious bro who wore three polos at once, chugged a liter of SoCo and threw up on your couch while making his fifth attempt to try to pick up a girl... unsuccessfully)

Like in martial arts, a bro's status is marked by the colors of their polo's
This time Portnoy decided to indulge his infatuation with objectifying and belittling people by attacking Salisbury resident Sean Mitchell who was simply watching the Bruins throttle the Florida Panthers 6-2 on Tuesday night. Mitchell, who was diagnosed with cerebral palsey at birth, was sitting with his father behind the B's bench.

Mitchell, was seen eating a hot dog without a bun when one of NESN's cameras took a shot of the B's bench. Being the bigoted, homophobic piece of work that he is, Portnoy wrote an article calling Mitchell "a savage," a comment conveying obvious sexual innuendos.

Sue Mitchell, Sean's mother, saw the article and, understandably, felt the need to call Portnoy out for his comments. 

“Sean has problems with muscular control," she said. "He loves to eat hot dogs and have refreshments. He can’t eat a hot dog in a bun. It’s easier for him to take a hot dog out and eat it that way.”

Portnoy removed the article and issued the following response, "Obviously I'm not in the business of making fun of people with disabilities. He looked like a normal person. Once I found out, I took it down. Most people who read us kind of get that stuff like this can happen. The intent wasn't to make fun of him. I just thought it was a funny to eat a hotdog without a bun."

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Portnoy, this is all for you.

Firstly, you think, "he looked like a normal person" Oh... MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE HE IS NORMAL. Mitchell graduated from Triton High School in 2012 after running four years of cross country and indoor and outdoor track. The kid was a three sport athlete and he loves the Bruins and Pats. What's not "normal" about that?

Mitchell competed in a total of 12 athletic seasons during is time at Triton
My mom, who is the strongest woman I've ever known, has spent the last 5 years coping with disabilities. Does that make her abnormal? Does that make her different? People are not defined by disabilities. Confronting hardship head on does not make you "abnormal". Overcoming adversity makes you strong, it makes you brave. I admire my mother more than I can express, just like I admire Sean Mitchell. When I look at you El Pres, all I feel is general disgust.

Secondly, good job - a penis joke. Did you think of that all by yourself?  It's funny because hot dogs are penis shaped, right? I'm sure you're the first one to ever make that joke. That's quality journalism right there.

Even if you didn't realize that Mitchell was, how did you so eloquently put it, "normal?" YOU WERE STILL RIDICULING THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY, YOU DUMBASS.

You aren't "in the business of making fun of people with disabilities" but it's perfectly acceptable to make negative innuendos to a male giving a blow job and make fun of sexual orientations. So do you describe all gay men as "savages" or was that a one time thing? Maybe you were too busy objectifying women to notice, but seventeen states have now legalized same-sex marriage. I'm sorry if in your moronic mind you haven't come to terms with this but it's not funny, man. The only one laughing right now is you, and frankly it's kind of sad.

Finally, am I the only one whose shocked that its taken this long for people to realize what a cretin you are?

For running a site-titled Barstool SPORTS, you know less than zero percent about sports. My sister has told me on multiple occasions that she isn't into sports and doesn't really get them, but I'm fairly confident if the two of you were to talk sports she would rip you apart like a Velociraptor.

She'll cut you here...
It's gotten to the point where you've stopped talking about sports to avoid showing how little you actually know. I just scrolled through five or six pages of articles and found nothing that remotely seeks to talk, analyze or even comment on sports (although there were plenty of "guess that ass"es). In case you weren't aware, there's this thing called the Super Bowl this weekend, some people may be slightly curious about that. You don't run a sports website, you run a softcore porn site where you post pictures of half naked 21-year-old college girls because you know that 18-year-old guys (and creepy 40-year-olds like yourself) will check it out. Which brings me to my next point...

You're blatantly misogynistic. Half of the posts that you write are titled one of the following, "Guess That Ass", "Wake Up With..." or "Smokeshow of the Day." Look man, you like girls, we get it. Guess what, I do too, as do a lot of other guys. But I also realize that she's more than a pair of boobs and an ass. If you honestly view women the way you write about them I pity you and doubt your capacity to establish anything remotely resembling a healthy relationship. This may be why...

You're incredibly judgmental and of others. I don't know what personal issues you're trying to cope with that cause you to solely look to pick out the flaws in others, but you're indulging in some serious compensation for something. You take pleasure from critiquing women for not being attractive enough or being somehow flawed. You mock people for being overweight or unattractive. You ridicule anyone who leads a lifestyle you aren't familiar with or don't understand.

When talking about Mitchell you claimed, "The intent wasn't to make fun of him." Uh... yes, yes it was because THAT'S WHAT YOUR ENTIRE MEANINGLESS CAREER HAS BEEN BASED OFF OF. All you do is sit on your high horse pointing out flaws or mistakes in others while garnering laughs from people as meaningless as yourself. You need someone new to make fun of? Here's one for you, he's a forty year old man who acts like a high school sophomore making fun of the kid with glasses. Next time you try to judge or critique someone why don't you take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

I pity you. You work your ass off trying to make this media empire you've built up stand, but what do you get out of it? What have you created of substance? You post pictures of smut that could get a hit no matter where they were posted. You focus specifically on topics that don't require you to write well, do any research or think about problems comprehensively. Your character, articles and website are trivial and insignificant. You generate laughs from immature simple-minded cretins like yourself who are so self-obsessed and narcissistic that they fail to comprehend their own ignorance.

 In a lot of ways your website, your life's accomplishments are representative of what's wrong with society. Your simplicity, while it may grant you short term success, conveys nothing of value. You will never teach, you will never create, you will never build, you will never change things for the better. All you do is deconstruct, destroy, and break down. You take the easy way out.

I hope you prove me wrong. I hope you try to figure things out because I'm sorry, but the writing is on the wall. The people reading your articles have gone from agreeing with you to criticizing you. They don't see you as something legitimate, but as a mildly entertaining sideshow that they'll soon lose interest in.

Notice that I just wrote an entire article on you and I didn't use vulgar language. Notice that not once did I stoop to your level. Look, you're smart, I'll be the first to admit that. You know your audience and you give them a product. The only thing I'm calling into question are your choices and the character they create. It is kind of easy though. It's easy because you have made a choice to be an asshole.