Step One: Remove iPhone From Box, Drop Directly on Ground

This guy in Perth, Australia, the world's first loser to sit in line for days to get his mitts on the new iPhone 6, didn't actually get those mitts on the new hardware before the phone catapulted from its packaging to the cold, hard ground.

The assumed "Angry Birds" enthusiast casually bent down and collected his approximately $500 with a nervous smile, then took a ridiculous picture with the news anchor for no reason at all.

Hope those 15 seconds of fame were worth it. And its a good thing he was surrounded by other knuckleheads waiting in line for their turn to mishandle their version of the Holy Grail, because that collective cry of anguish from the crowd as if this character just missed a putt on the 18th green at Augusta is priceless.

Free Taxi Rides for Everyone!

If you're reading this before 8 p.m. on Thursday from somewhere in Boston, then you can get a cab ride for free.

Follow the link above, download the Uber app and input your information to get a cab at your door to take you anywhere within $25.  Get from Mission Hill down to the aquarium!  Get from Fenway Park to the North End! Go crazy, folks, go crazy.

This is a completely user-promoted event, so we're doing our part to get the word out.  Tell you friends, or don't and just take as many cabs as you want, and go wacky places.  The choice is yours, my friends.

And don't worry, if you don't have one of them newfangled computer machine phones, you can call your royal chariot here.