Holy $%@&, He Missed It!

The only thing Philipp Hoffmann of 2. Bundesliga's Kaiserslautern made was the worst miss of all time. Standing just about two yards from the goal, the ball took an unlucky bounce, went off Hoffmann's foot and over the crossbar.

For the record, a soccer goal is 24 feet wide and eight feet tall.Over the course of six feet, the ball rose over eight and a half, even clearing the five-inch crossbar. And just from estimating, it looks like Hoffmann easily had seven feet of cushion to his right, meaning roughly 17 feet to "miss" to his left and the ball still would've rolled in.

He could have laid down and let the ball bounce off the side of his face and roll in. He could've trapped the ball between his legs and hopped like a kangaroo across the goal line. Literally anything other than what he did would've put the ball in the goal.

Fortunately, Kaiserslautern came out with a 1-0 victory, taking the sting out of this harrowing attempt.

Soccer Player Disappears During Goal Celebration

Cameroonian forward Joel scored two goals in a 3-1 win for Coritiba over Sao Paolo in Brazil's Serie A on Wednesday. For his second goal, he chose to celebrate by throwing himself down a giant hole in the ground.

The stadium features stairs that lead down to the dressing rooms below the field, which are placed just beyond the advertisements behind the goal line. Generally the best way to deal with something that a person could fall into is by covering it with a giant flag, right? Yeah, well that's what happened anyway.

As Joel went to leap over the wall, security personnel thought about saying something - one guy even raised his hands - but it was too late.

Somehow Joel isn't dead, and for his miraculous exit from the depths of the stadium, he received a yellow card for excessive celebration.

Sometimes You Need to Celebrate Your Goals by Giving Yourself a Mild Concussion

This video is from an amateur soccer league in Italy. Apparently this guy is a huge fan of Mario Balotelli and figured the only way he could compete with him would be to straight up ram his head through some plexiglass.

Three things stand out about this video.

1. The goalie should definitely not be playing in an Italian amateur league. Just a poor showing by him all around.

2. The focus on this guy is unreal. The second he scores the goal his eyes immediately head over to that bench. Not once does he break eye contact. When his teammates try to congratulate him he just shakes them off. There was one thing on this man's mind and that was mild head trauma.

3. The official was less than impressed...  

2014 World Cup Stadium In Brazil Collapses

 

You show me one good thing that has come out of Brazil since the news broke about them hosting the 2014 World Cup, and I'll show you one good thing that has come out of Qatar since the news broke about them hosting the 2018 World Cup.

According to Sports Illustrated, "Television images showed that part of a 500-ton metal structure cut through the outer walls of Sao Paulo's Itaquerao Stadium, destroying some of the seats on the east side of the venue and crashing into a massive LED panel that runs across the stadium's facade."

The incident killed at least two people, and investigators are working to figure out what went wrong.

Get John Taffer in here and shut this thing down immediately.  Not that Brazil was in prime shape to begin with, but ever since work has begun for the World Cup and the 2016 Summer Olympics, it has been an absolute zoo.

Lazio Forced to Play in Empty Home Stadium for Two Games

'Three strikes and you're out' applies to soccer, too, apparently.

Supporters of Lazio, after three different instances of racist actions from the stands, have finally drawn the wrath of UEFA officials.  Their punishment?  For the next two home games, no fans will be allowed into their stadium.

UEFA has already levied nearly $300,000 in fines against the club, but taking away not only ticket and concession sales for the next two games, but taking away home-field advantage has to hurt.  The straw that broke the camel's back was when a large group of fans in the stands  made "fascist-style salutes" and racist chants against Borussia Mönchengladbach, a German soccer club.

Neymar Misses Penalty Kick, Pretty Sure I Could Have Nailed This One

Well, this is embarrassing...

Brazilian's star player Neymar was lining up for a penalty shot in a friendly against Columbia played at MetLife Stadium in New York when this happened.  The goal could have given Brazil a one goal edge with 10 minutes remaining in the match, but instead, Neymar did his best Adam Vinatieri impression, blasting the ball at least 50 rows up.

I didn't think it was even possible for the ball to rise as fast as it did, but there's the proof.  Neymar did have a defense prepared for this miserable shot, though.

"The penalty was horrible but you probably noticed the state the pitch was in, it didn't have any stability," he said. ”I tried to take it slowly but it didn't work out, these things happen."

Crazy Trick Kicks

I mean, he's okay, I guess.

The video, titled "Kickalicious" was posted by an unnamed individual, who is unnaturally good at kicking a football in various scenarios.  Looks like punters really are people, too, huh?

Van Persie Should Just Stay Put

Normally if a video is longer than three minutes, I'll walk.  But I could not stop watching this guy.  Arsenal captain Robin van Persie announced earlier in the week that he will not renew his contract with the team over differences of opinions within the club.

Yeah, maybe you should've consulted this guy before you made your decision.  I mean, I'm sure a lot of fans will be mad, but I can't imagine anyone would go to these lengths.  Playing Ultimate Team in FIFA 12, and dropping van Persie not once, not twice but three times, is classic.  Hope van Persie actually watched this.  And he's exactly right - Nicklas Bendtner did score two goals...

Spain Won the Euro Cup - Now What?

Spain embarrassed Italy in the Euro Cup Final, 4-0.  Good for them.  Now that the Euro Cup is over, when will people care about soccer again?

Possibly this month?  The Olympic Games have had soccer as a discipline since 1900 for men, and since 1996 for women.  The U.S. men's team failed to even qualify for the tournament, so will anyone watch the men's U23 tournament?  Spain's probably going to win, considering their U21 team won the European Championship last season, and three players - Jordi Alba, Juan Mata and Javi Martinez - are coming off the Euro Cup Championship team.

So who else is there to care about?  Ryan Giggs and Craig Bellamy are two of the exemptions on Great Britain's team, and other than that... Senegal?  United Arab Emirates? Brazil?  Well yeah, maybe Brazil.

On the women's side, Team USA are going for their third straight gold medal.  Women's sports usually fall by the wayside, but I think there's plenty to watch with this team.

These Guys Should Be Out of a Job

Check out the ref at the bottom of the screen.  What in the world is he looking at?

The ball clearly goes over the line, I mean, just look at the angle it has to take to get itself clear of the crossbar.  I found an article in The New York Times Online that talks about this game-changing play, and it might be the dumbest thing I've ever read.

Ukraine’s captain, Andriy Shevchenko, said through an interpreter, “The goal that wasn’t given really changed our plan because if it was given, I think the whole game could have looked another way.”

Shevchenko replaced Marko Devic several minutes after the controversial play but Ukraine still failed to put anything (else) past Joe Hart. And even at that point, a tie might not have been enough to save Ukraine, since it would have given France a half-hour to push for a point — or three — in what became a 2-0 loss to Sweden.

Sir, the point being argued by Shevchenko is not that a tie would have won them the game.  A team's play is going to change drastically in a game like this depending on whether up by a goal, tied or even down by a goal.  No kidding the tie wouldn't have helped, but it would've changed the game enough to put another goal on either side.

If you watched the game, Ukraine was putting on some serious pressure early, and kept it up for a while.  England fought back, but the way the styles would have changed would have definitely shifted this game in which the winner would have been the only one to advance along with France.

Bottom line, the ref and whoever wrote that article. Fired.

Approaching 1,000 Views, Thanks to Russia

 As the blog approaches 1,000 views in under two months, we have many people to thank, both home and abroad.  I don't think it would be right to go any further if we didn't take time to thank our biggest international audience from none other than Russia.

Russia has accounted for nearly one-tenth of our audience, so we're going to attempt to continue that trend here at Three if by Strike.  Plus, with Russia leading Group A in the 2012 Euro Cup, we now have someone to root for.

Russia, the largest country in the world at over 6.5 million square miles, is home to the world's largest reserves of mineral and energy resources.  Run by President Vladimir Putin and Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev, it is home to over 143 million citizens.  Their currency is known as Ruble (no, not the cheap vodka), and they drive on the right (correct) side of the road.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about why we care so much about Russia.  Football.  Not American football, either.  Russia tied Poland today, 1-1, giving them the lead in Group A by a point over the Czech Republic.  Russia will take on a struggling Greece on Saturday, and we'll be watching with pride.