Friday, November 29, 2013

Why Buzzfeed Sucks

Buzzfeed is one of the sorriest excused for a website I have ever seen, yet people go bananas over it and read it like the Gospel.  The "articles" are outdated, with some not even having a date as they're just about some irrelevant garbage from a sitcom or movie 20 years ago, they contain minimal writing or creativity and the quality is just absolutely poor.

Sure, I could string together a list of 10 things and put GIFs with them that 30 people are going to laugh at and call it a story, but as a thinking human being, I don't see the point, and you shouldn't insult your own intelligence by reading it.

For instance, let's take a look at this piece: "21 Questions You Never Want Your Family To Ask."  Solid topic, because relatives are always putting people in the hot seat, intentional or not.  But let's zero in on what the issues are here.

Why 21 Questions? Three are basically the same question about dating, so the material is stretched way too thin just to use, surprise surprise... GIFs...

Have the words, "I hear your Twitter is hilarious, can I follow you?" ever been uttered by any living thing on earth?  No.  So why would this idiotic question make the list.

There are three questions on visiting, one is asking about Edward Snowden's asshole (so that's clever), and GOD FORBID your family asks you to stay long. Why would anyone want to hear their family ask them that?  Ugh, makes my skin crawl just thinking about it!

Want to let that one slide?  Fine.  How about this sorry excuse?

Or this one, where reasons 19 and 20 are the same damn thing.  And I'm pretty sure anyone who celebrates Christmas watched Christmas movies, but that doesn't mean they're "obsessed with Christmas."

Why is this stuff below "freaky" and "weird?" Most of it seems awesome, actually...except for Dinosaur State Park in Connecticut and that weird Jimmy Carter peanut in Georgia, though.  But what's annoying is how Buzzfeed feels they have to add their commentary to EVERYTHING.

"But dude, that's such a small sample size of all the stuff Buzzfeed writes."  If you'd like, I'd be more than happy to stick around and tell you what's wrong with the disgustingly overwhelming majority of their articles, no problem.

Now granted, I'm not the best/funniest/most topical writer out there.  You may ask, where did this hatred come from?  From the filth that Buzzfeed puts out on a constant basis.  There is such a small portion of it that's actually relevant, and even if it is, the writers try to put their own inside joke spins on it, and its just a really poor way to structure a website.

If you like Buzzfeed and harbor any angry feelings towards me, or if you've read this far and think, "you're stupid, Buzzfeed is funny," then I'm afraid you're stupid.

When I was a kid, I remember my teachers at school used to say that watching too much TV puts corners on your imagination, shaping it into a box rather than it going on in infinite directions - powerful image for kids.  But if you read and enjoy Buzzfeed, it won't be long until your mind does this.

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